Everyone faces challenges at family reunions. Allow us to "help" you get out of awkward situations you're bound to face at these reunions.
Situation 1
A random lady hugging you. She smells like talcum powder and sweat and you have no idea who she is.
How to deal with it:
Smile awkwardly. And nod. Just keep nodding. Nodding is the key. You may not understand her language but that's okay. Just nod.
Situation 1
A random lady hugging you. She smells like talcum powder and sweat and you have no idea who she is.
How to deal with it:
Smile awkwardly. And nod. Just keep nodding. Nodding is the key. You may not understand her language but that's okay. Just nod.
If she calls you 'beta', she's definitely not a cousin, so feel free to call her 'aunty'. Unless she's a man.
Then you could have a problem.
This bring us to Situation 2
What's your gender?
Then you could have a problem.
This bring us to Situation 2
What's your gender?
How to deal with it:
You don't. You can't. This is one of those time when life is just testing you. Suck it up. Normally, a saree = female. Pants = male. Remember that now. Remember these stereotypes.
Situation 3
You're hungry
How to deal with it:
Look around. Somewhere, in some corner, you will find something worth eating. If not, go to the nearest plant and feast on the leaves.
You don't. You can't. This is one of those time when life is just testing you. Suck it up. Normally, a saree = female. Pants = male. Remember that now. Remember these stereotypes.
Situation 3
You're hungry
How to deal with it:
Look around. Somewhere, in some corner, you will find something worth eating. If not, go to the nearest plant and feast on the leaves.
Situation 4
There's no wifi
There's no wifi
How to deal with it:
Okay. Breathe. There's no need to panic. Deep breaths. Now, ask somebody you know for a wifi hotspot. If you don't find anything, curl up into the foetal position and sob. Then, SMS a friend because there isn't any other means of communication or entertainment. Like some sort of savage. Back in the stone age.
Situation 5
Some aunty/uncle dumps their child on your lap.
How to deal with it:
Stare at it awkwardly. Try not to freak out if you feel anything warm and wet on your body.
Okay. Breathe. There's no need to panic. Deep breaths. Now, ask somebody you know for a wifi hotspot. If you don't find anything, curl up into the foetal position and sob. Then, SMS a friend because there isn't any other means of communication or entertainment. Like some sort of savage. Back in the stone age.
Situation 5
Some aunty/uncle dumps their child on your lap.
How to deal with it:
Stare at it awkwardly. Try not to freak out if you feel anything warm and wet on your body.
If the little creature is cute, you're set. But if it's like the spawn of Satan or something, brace yourself for an explosion of crap, piss and barf. Resolve to never have a child. And remove the offending creature from your person by dumping it on someone else's lap.
Situation 6
Somebody comments on how much you've grown since they last saw you.
Situation 6
Somebody comments on how much you've grown since they last saw you.
How to deal with it:
Sarcasm always helps. Always.
"I try."
"And you're still the same"
"It must be those experimental drugs I've been taking"
"Actually, you've just gotten shorter"
"You've grown more than I have"
"Oh, and the last time you saw me was when? Yes, never"
"No, I actually have a growth disorder which means that you're just mocking me right now. But that's okay because I've experienced this before".
awkward silence
"Haha jkjk"
Sarcasm always helps. Always.
"I try."
"And you're still the same"
"It must be those experimental drugs I've been taking"
"Actually, you've just gotten shorter"
"You've grown more than I have"
"Oh, and the last time you saw me was when? Yes, never"
"No, I actually have a growth disorder which means that you're just mocking me right now. But that's okay because I've experienced this before".
awkward silence
"Haha jkjk"